Hey Sport For years despite my nerdly physique I have been employed in a sports based job. Working in a proshop. After a while I had quickly learnt to catelog golfers.
But first how to know someone is a golfer
TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW YOU HAVE A GOLFER
10# They Can't Count 9# They Immediately feel that because they're a Golfer they are someone 8# They believe that it's too much to hand over a licence when hiring a 9000 dollar piece of machinery. 'Hey my word is good enough'. To quote Joe Pesci - Who the Fuck are you 7# You say see you at Ten and they'll be standing by your bed tapping their foot at 6am 6# They ask you what your handicap is and don't laugh when you say 'working here' 5# The phrase 'Too Easy' and 'Champ' is used more often than oxygen 4# They are constantly in a search for those that are 'winning' and will ask you if you are doing so at every opportunity. 3# They are most likely old to have lived through WW2 but didn't serve and yet feel the right to lord it up that they lived through it. Wow congradu-fucking-lations that's amazing i mean shit all my Granddad did was fight in New Guinea so i'm proud to have met YOU. 2# They will attempt to rationale that by selling them something at a dramatic loss to you they're just trying to do YOU a favour. and the number one way to tell you have a golfer.....
1# They will tell you everything that is wrong with society and how the youth of today are drunken no hopers. Then they'll jump into a Golf cart loaded up with beers and get drunk...in the AM.
Now that you can spot them let me explain the categories. First there is the 'Classic club gent', these are the most agreeable variant. They are usually older and have a general appreciation for well. Being alive honestly. They will tell you stories from their youth and are by far the best kind to talk to should you need to.
The second is the 'Club dick' whilst they are of the same age as the 'Club Gent' these guys know they are in the 'last quarter of their game' so to speak and so every precious second matters. Of course complaining about waiting five minutes to play a five hour round of golf seems purile. After all if time were valuable why waste it hitting a white ball only to go and chase it.
The next is the "Ironic golfer" these are younger males 20 years and up who decide to play golf. Of course they couldn't possibly do so without dressing like idiots. These guys will spend more time drinking beer than playing golf. Who won?, even they don't know. The third golfer is the 'Somebody but nobody'. Will basically feel like they're part of some big country club. A real somebody. However as the old saying goes. 'It's like winning the special Olympics'. These guys are the natural enemy of the 'ironic golfer'.
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