Believe it or not, I really do try and be civil, polite and generally dare I say be nice to people. In special cases I even go so far as to institute a ‘do not fire upon’ order on some individuals. These people are generally those too useless to truly stick up for themselves. Or people I genuinely feel have life kick the shit out of them enough that it is only fair that I leave them alone. The problem is that this leaves a really unfair playing field that is to use the common tongue, ‘like having my balls cut off’. Those of you that have read even a 100th of anything I have written will know. I have a huge ego, so this leaves me with a question.

How much crap can a man take before he shouts in Samuel L. Jackson like voice, ‘enough is enough, I have had it with these mutha fuckin’ people, on this mutha fuckin’ planet’. Or something to rather similar to that.

                Whenever I institute a ‘do not fire upon’ policy regarding a person I do a great deal of soul searching. I know that socially what I am doing is saying, ‘I am going to hand over a great deal of power to this individual’. It is the same as decided to practically be a bitch. This is something that even Gandhi himself would disagree against. Remember, ‘it is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on a cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence’. You know what our man Gandhi is quite right. After bearing the various insults, lame calls and abuses of the power you voluntarily gave to a person. You start to feel like that one guy out of 10,000BC. You know that warrior that has the slave master flogging him, and then he snaps, breaks the slavers neck and throws him off a pyramid. I would like to take this moment to say that was a great movie. Also I would like to take a moment to advise that you DO NOT break necks and throw people off pyramids.

                However, dragging this piece back on track what I want to do is explain something. I can no longer wear a cloak of nonviolence. I am not saying that I am going to be physically violent, but when some smart arse zings me one I am not going to let it slide. After all I am cursed with a sharp tongue and quick wit. Here are some ego flaunting examples:

BOGANS: Nice vest faggot can I have it? Snicker snicker
ME: Sure you take the vest i’ll keep the three girls I’m walking with...awwww *makes tear motion down cheek with middle finger*

BOGAN: You ever come round <insert derro town name here> you’ll be shot
ME: Oh no I’ve been banned from the third world how will I survive

INSULT: I hear fat people have pin dicks
ME: Oh really then what is your excuse skinny boy?

                As you can see I am not exactly the most placid of human beings and with an ego like mine my ability to put up with lame calls is truly limited. But what gets to me is not when someone makes a lame call. That is something I can move beyond. I call them a dickhead and move on. No what gets me is that situation where you try to be nice to a person. I mean you really try to be nice and then they act like a complete dick. It is like offering someone drowning an oar to grab onto and they grab it, jam it into your front teeth and steal your boat. Worse you see the hit coming, yet you still go for the oar when really you want to throw the harpoon.

                So in the end I have come to a realisation that made me want to write this piece. The realisation is that it is unfair to both you and the other person if you hold fire. I am not suggesting that you be an arsehole to a person but if fired upon, then for crying out fire back. This is something that even Gandhi has my back on. Gandhi. The policy of ‘do not fire upon’ is, as has been my experience, critically flawed. All it does is remove all the power you have and unfairly shift it into the hands of someone who most likely through lack of experience of being in that position will abuse it. So the next time you offer someone an oar and they try to hit you in the teeth with it. Clap them over head with it and say, ‘do that again and i’ll use the harpoon’.

 
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